(takes
a Dumbo figurine out of the bin)
My
first “real job” was working at Disney. That was a right
of
passage in Central Florida. Virginity? Forget it. If you
hadn’t
worked at Disney by the time you were 21,
you
were a freak. I ran the “Small World” ride-- yes,
the
jokes, ha-ha--I LIVED IT. That was me helping you
onto
your boat. I know-- the music-- it’s in your heads
right
now. To survive, we had to blot it out like Vietnam.
Go
ahead. Sing it with me...
(gently
coaxing them to sing)
“It’s
a Small World after all, it’s a small world
after
all, it’s a small world after all, it’s a small, small world--”
Stop!
After so many seconds, its copyright infringement,
and
they can sue us. And they will.
The
Mouse will sue.
She
reacts to thunder outside.
Thunder.
(she
crosses to door, peeks out)
Summer
afternoon in Central Florida you can count on it,
but
this early… It’s odd… Neighbor said there was a
tornado
warning… or “watch”, whichever…
(covers
her watch/let’s them guess, then confirms)
No
umbrella… I’ll hurry.
As
she continues, Mary pulls out a stuffed orca whale.
From
Disney, I moved to Sea World.
That’s
when Scott and I got
together.
Scott’s my man.
We
were both theatre majors in college--
Yes,
I was once a star! “But that’s not
the
real world,” my Mom said.
So
now, in the real world-- in this case-- Sea World--
Scott
is the ski show announcer
and
I’m working the whale show.
My
job was to add “dramatic influence” by yelling “Shamu can
longer
go to Ocean University!”
(beat)
It
wasn’t Shakespeare.
So,
Scott and I say, “Enough of this”. We want to be big time,
professional
actors so we naturally move to...
(encourages
audience to fill in the blank,
probably
will get “New York”, then says)
“Alexandria,
Virginia.”
As
she task on, Mary quickly illustrates the east Coast, putting an “X” atop and
“X” atop an “X”
about
where NYC would be, then makes dash marks up from Florida, stops and draws a
circle
where
Washington D.C. would be and writes it in.
New
York City scared me too much, so
I
convinced Scott we would start by becoming big time professional
actors
in Wash-ing-ton, D.C....
$500
to our name...can’t afford anything...
end
up in an air-condition-less one-room cottage in a sort of
transient
motel complex in Alexandria, Virginia.
(draws
arrow to and sketches Pizza Hut building)
Working
at Pizza Hut. All of a sudden Sea World
ain’t
looking so bad. I mean those were... lean years.
Lot
of macaroni and cheese and rice a roni. I think
I
auditioned for something once. After a while,
we
figure, “Hey, we can work at Pizza Hut in Florida”.
And
so we do. Move back to Florida.
And
work at Pizza Hut.
Don’t
get depressed. We weren’t.
(thunder
is heard)
Oops!
I forgot I’m hurrying.
(takes
out a poster)
“Believe
in Your Dreams.”
(starts
to pin it up, turns back)
No,
I don’t think it’s corny.
So,
Scott marries me--
(waves
little “cheering” flag)
Yea!
I start substitute teaching. Yea!
Scott
gets a steady job outside
the
realm of food service! Yea!
I
miss my period!...
(the
little flag stops waving/beat)
We
aren’t planning on that. Not at all. I remember a friend
asking,
“Well, what were you planning on, Mary?”
I
don’t know. Living our lives out like Peter Pan and
Wendy
in Neverland... Florida can do that to you.
Make
you want to sway in a hammock instead
of
go after something...
(stops)
Scott
and I decide to buy a house. “A house?” my Mom asks.
“Yes,
ma’am, we have a child we can’t afford, we’re gonna
buy
a house we can’t afford to go with it! A little starter house
in
Deltona.
(as
Mom)
“DAYtona”?
(as
herself)
“Deltona,
Mom. In the sticks”.
Scott
and I started in downtown Orlando and had
been
rapidly moving further and further away from
civilization.
In the “Greater Orlando area”,
the
sticks become the suburbs overnight,
so
if you want to be boondock dwellers, you
have
to be nomadic. So that’s how we ended up here,
in
Deltona, the semi-sticks, the suburbs-to-be, in a
house
we couldn’t afford, me working part time
as
a tutor for Lightning Mike.
(beat)
Mike
leaves Florida. His Mom can’t take it anymore,
everyday
driving by that field... that fence...
The
principle at Deltona High calls me into his office...
(“goes
there”)
He’s
going to “let me go” or worse... send me back to the
sub
pool for regular ed. Regular Ed, which cost me my
gall
bladder and made my hair start to fall out...
“Good
Morning, Mr. Galen.”
(makes
terrified face, “walks into office”;
then,
as Department Chair)
“Sit
down, Ms. Tilford”.
(she
does)
Ms.
Tilford, I’m afraid you don’t have sufficient training.”
(beat/Mary
adds a forced smile to her terrified face)
“Oh,
please, God, just shoot me!”
(as
Department Chair)
“So
we’re going to send you to get some.”
(as
herself, not registering his meaning)
“I
saw a ‘hiring’ sign at the Winn Dixie.”
(as
Dept. Chair)
“We’d
like to offer you a full time position, Ms. Tilford.”
(beat)
I’m
thinking: “Oh, my God! I don’t believe it!
I’m
a high school teacher”!
(then,
a sort of “what in the name of Hell” realization)
“Oh, my God. I don’t believe it. I’m a high
school teacher.”
